Amie Ma

Zach...

I woke up in the morning last friday heading to school for Chamber Winds, and Wind Ensemble. Fridays were always rough for me, so I asked God to help me get through the day. I kept saying to myself, “I’m having a good day”, repeatedly. Also, the weather was great. It as my favorite weather type of weather: gloomy and breezy.

As I walked the steps of the band room I saw Gary. He told me he hasn’t seen anyone yet for Clarinet Choir. As I walked towards the lockers from the outside, Austin told Gary and I that today was going to be a sad day in Wind Ensemble. “Someone died”, he said. Gary asked, “who?”, Austin answered: You’ll find out in Wind Ensemble. I ignored him and treated it as a joke. I continued to walked.

Gary caught up with me. “It’s Zach!”

I didn’t want to believe it. So many unexplainable feelings surged through me within a second.

How could someone you saw just the day before so happy and normal during class just be gone from this world completely?

I’ve dealt with death many times of people whom were close to my heart.

… but not so abruptly and unexpectedly.

I couldn’t understand it.

I couldn’t accept it and was in denial for about a couple of minutes.

I headed to a practiced room and weeped. I had to get it out of my system as much as possible… I had a rehearsal in five minutes.

There’s nothing harder to swallow than the truth.

I focused on every single note and played it as musically as I could. That’s when I could find some inner stability. Everytime we would stop and fix something, my mind would start to wander and my eyes would mist and throat would buckle.

At the end of our practice, the band director came and sat down with us to confirm the news.

I lost it and started to weep again along with others in the group. What tremendous grief!

Shortly afterwards, I had another rehearsal. The director comfirmed the news again since there was different people who wasn’t aware of the news. I kept it together this time. Others didn’t take it well.

It was a depressing day, everyone around me was so distraught. We were all family. Reality had struck home.

The band director told us the news once again, but to the entire Wind Ensemble.

The director recalled his impression and memories of him. It was impossible to not shed a tear. I almost didn’t want to hear it anymore, I was already sick of crying.

Our teachers told us to hold strong to what we love in order to honor Zach. He was just like us. He was passionate in music.

He was a mutual band comrade through our high school years and coincidentally even in college.

Zachary was an inspiration to me as well as many others. I never forget his playfulness and joy for life. I still remember the times we would argue over what was healthier: Chocolate? or Coffee? on the field while we were resting. Or the time we played basketball at Kevin’s house. Or the time during senior breakfast when you stood up for me when someone dropped me off at the wrong place and ditched me. I remember I thanked him. He said. “I was raised to take care of things”, in a really modest tone. He was always so commited to what he stood for and said. I really respect him for that. Nothing will be the same without him around.

I’ve taken many lessons from this: Life is short and we have to cherish those around us while they are still with us. Sometimes we lose sight and take life for granted even when we do not realize it.

Hold fast to those you care about and always live a full and abundant life. Sometimes the little problems that hinders you from really enjoying life many not be so significant in the big picture.

My heart goes out to The PC family and The Headden family.

I knew he alwayed loved life, and I’m going to try to keep it together for him. 

I’ll miss you. And I hope you knew that I thought highly of you and respected you.

Rest In Peace, Zach Headden.    

Off to practice now… till 1am.

Ponderings...

“This human thing in instrumental playing has to do with trying to get as much human warmth and feeling into my work as I can. I want to say more on my horn than I ever could in ordinary speech.” -Jazz Woodwind Player Eric Dolphy (1928-1964)

The weather was perfect today. I feel a breakthrough is coming.

I don't know about you...

I’m really strange.

Lately, I’ve been hearing conversations I’ve had with people in my head at random times.

I cannot seem to put a face on the conversation I’m hearing in my head.

Unless I think really hard….

Is this a sign of something abnormal going on in my head?

Has anyone had this experience before?

=]

Maroon 5

I love listening to Maroon 5 when it’s hot and sunny outside.

I just came back from watching G.I. Joe for a second time. I hope I didn’t ruin the movie for the person who was sitting next to me. I was sick and had coughing fits.

Last semester I had trouble waking up at 8am to get to my classes. Suprisingly, this trip I took to China and Taiwan changed my body/digestive clock for the better. It feels like I’ve started anew. What a feeling of being energized; but in the morning. I think it was almost necessary since everyday starts at 8 for me.

So, this heat makes going to my car like a punishment sentence to a toaster.

I am extremely thankful this semester for having a locker. I’ve loaded myself up with Literature, History, and Music Theory books. I have no math classes this semester. I’m DONE with math. Ain’t that a relief…

Last night, I went to Carol, Maggie, Cameron and Masako for their recital. I loved how it was inspired by the Holocaust. Jewish composers. Yayness.

So in conclusion, everything is starting off well. Except for this cough, but I’ll get over it soon. Yayyyyyyy.

Jazzy Amie

To Women: Love, God.

I feel so blessed to stumble upon something like this on tumblr… Amazing piece of writing.

gabebondoc:

So beautiful.. and so true.

timirose:

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.

Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you, I modeled you, I created you perfectly and beautifully.

Your characteristics are as the rib: strong, yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The ribcage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.

Support man as the ribcage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken for his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand by him and to be held close to his side.

You are My perfect angel.. you are My beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and My eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes.. don’t change them. Your lips, how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form. Your hands, so gentle to touch. I have caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I have held your heart close to Mine. Of all that lives and breaths, you are most like Me. Adam walked with Me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see Me or touch Me.

He could only feel Me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me, I fashioned in you: My holiness, My strength, My purity, My love, My protection, and support. You are special because you are an extension of Me. Man represent My image, woman My emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.

So man, treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt Me. What you do to her, you do to Me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart; the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness, show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

(via KnowGodKnowLove)